Desperation
by TruffleHead
Summary: Dean comes home from a tedious solo hunting trip, and Sam and Bobby look at him like they're about to start crying for his sake. Why? Cas is gone. And, according to an angel that was nice enough to drop in, he's likely never coming back.


**I'm not sure when this would take place; somewhere in the fourth season, maybe? For spoiler's sake, I won't mention the things that haven't happened yet, but I'm sure you'll understand what I'm getting at when you read.**

**DeanxCas if you chose to look at it in that way. Which I do. ;)**

Home. Dean relished the way all of his senses seemed to scream the word. This was home.

"Bobby? Sammy?" He called, setting down his backpack and venturing into the other room, the early morning sunlight streaming through the window. He found Sammy asleep on the couch with an open book, likely having read it all night before his body finally said firmly, "No."

Chuckling to himself, Dean walked over to his brother, picking up the book and placing it back on the shelf. He couldn't read the title, but by the frankly disturbing image on the cover, he guessed it had something to do with Hell.

What new job had Bobby and Sam found now? Wincing, Dean turned back to his brother, who was starting to wake up.

"Dean?" His brother mumbled, sitting up, his eyes starting to focus.

"Yep. Looks like you had a fun night, huh, Sammy?" Dean said, gesturing to the book on the table.

"Dean." Sammy said, his voice completely deprived of sleep.

"What?" Dean asked, scared as to why his brother was looking at him with frankly terrified eyes. "What happened?"

"Oh, thank God you're alright!" Sam said, rushing over and attacking his brother in a bear hug. Dean noticed, though, that the terror hadn't left his eyes.

"Whoa there, papa bear, what's up?"

Sam pulled away to turn around and shout, "Bobby! It's Dean!" Into the other room.

"Sam? What happened?" Dean asked again.

"Dean," Sam said, his eyes sad, "I am so sorry."

"Dean." Another voice sounded, and Dean turned to see Bobby in the doorway. The old man looked even more exhausted than Sam, likely from even more late night research. At the sight of Dean, the man's entire form seemed to slump, and his eyes caged a sadness that mirrored Sam's.

Dean raised his eyebrows, turning from one sympathetically heartbroken expression to the other. "Okay. This is bordering on ridiculous. Yeah, information? What the heck happened?"

"Dean," Sammy started, "we were worried you were dead."

"Angels and their tricks," Bobby muttered.

"What do you mean? And, speaking of angels, where's Cas?"

"That's the thing," Sam said.

"Come again?" Dean asked, confused.

"There was this man- he claimed to be an angel, probably was." Bobby started. "He said to us that you were dead, trapped in Hell again. Cas tried to do some magical hullabaloo to find out where you were, but it all seemed to point to the fact that you were, in fact, dead."

"So then he went down there to bring you back," Sam said.

"Well, it might come as a surprise to you, but I'm alive. Why do you both look like you're going to start bawling?" Dean asked.

"Because now Castiel is never coming back." A new voice came from the doorway.

xXx

"So... some other angel came down from Heaven claiming I was trapped in Hell again, even though he really just 'veiled' me or whatever, and so Cas went down there to try and rescue me? And now he's stuck down there? Why would he go in the first place if there was such a risk?"

The stranger looked pained. "My brother can get very... attached to others."

"Who was the angel that came to us claiming that Dean was dead?"

"I do not know," the stranger's jaw clenched, "but when I find him, he will certainly regret his ploy."

"And so who are you?" Dean cut in.

"Xathaneal, Castiel's brother."

"Quite a name." Dean muttered. Sam grinned.

"It would not be wise to insult the angel who is your only hope of raising my brother from Hell." Xathaneal said scathingly.

"Why would you care?" Bobby cut in, still not getting over the fishiness of the situation, "Suddenly, after all of this time, you want to help him?"

"I loved Castiel more dearly than any of my brothers. I just... hated you little, tiny humans. Despised taking trips down here. Of course, Castiel was the exact opposite. He couldn't hang around you apes enough. I suppose that's why they picked him to be a part of the garrison. But do you really think that just because I never _presented_ myself to you little ants, that I was never there? That aside, my job in heaven was very... time consuming. But Castiel always understood." Xanthneal smiled fondly. "Castiel seemed to be _made_ of love most of the time."

"What was your job in heaven?" Sam asked.

Xathaneal glared at Sam as if merely speaking ticked him off. "Is that any of your business?"

"Whoa, dude, sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

The Angel exhaled slowly, muttering something under his breath. "I took care of the... new angels. Trained them."

"The baby angels?" Dean asked with a grin.

He was then on the receiving end of the most vicious glare of death he had ever seen. And he's been hunting demons for nearly his whole life.

But then, suddenly, Xathaneal's glare faltered, and he looked down.

Dean glanced over at Sam, but he only shrugged.

Xathaneal looked back up, and when he did, he looked like he was going to cry. "Let us get to the point. Castiel has a very limited number of options right now, and all of them rely on us. I need power, and a lot of it."

"Yeah? Why come to us?"

"I need your consent."

"For..."

"To let me take in your soul."

"Take in? What, you mean like eat?"

"No," Xathaneal drawled, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, "Take in. Touching a soul gives you an enormous amount of power. Taking one in gives you infinitely more."

"What will happen to us?" Sam asked.

"By giving up your souls? Take a guess." The angel rolled his eyes.

"We'll be... soulless?"

"Correct."

"Can't you just ask... other angels to help?" Dean asked.

"They're all _scared_." Xathaneal spat.

"Okay, well, it's done. I'll do it." Dean said.

Xathaneal almost looked at him fondly. "You would give your soul up, for my brother?"

"But there's... something else, isn't there?" Sam said quietly. "What you were whispering earlier... were you praying to Castiel?"

It was a moment before Xathaneal nodded.

"Wait," Dean said, "angels can pray to each other?"

"Of course," he said, "it's how we communicate."

"Even... now?"

The angel really had a very nice 'you're an idiot' face. "Why should _location_ effect _thought_?"

Dean thought that made sense. Closing his eyes, he decided to give it a go.

_Hey... Cas? __It's gonna be okay, bud. We're gonna get you out of there._

Dean opened his eyes with a sigh. He hoped he wasn't lying.

Xathaneal was staring at him. "What?" Dean said aloud.

"My brother would talk of you near constantly," he started to say softly. "I really do think he loves you." The angel groaned. "Castiel, why do you always get yourself into these situations?"

"I don't understand-" Dean started to say.

"Of course you don't. You're not an angel." Xathaneal interjected. "Were you just praying to him?"

"Yes." Dean said.

Xathaneal groaned again. "He'd never forgive me if I took in your souls. The prayers he's sending me now-" He clenched his jaw, looked down, was silent for a good minute after that. "I _can_ get him back, though, if only for a few minutes." The angel said, snapping his head up quickly. "And all I'll need to do is touch your souls."

"Last time Castiel needed to touch my soul, he said there was a good chance I would explode right then and there." Bobby said.

"Yes, well, I assure you I'll try my very best." Xathaneal said, standing up and rolling up his sleeves.

"You can get Cas back?" Dean clarified.

"Only for a few minutes... but that should be enough time for me to persuade him."

"It's done, then." Dean said.

"Same here," Sam agreed.

"Just get it over with already," Bobby said.

The angel looked at them curiously for a minute. "Humans," he said, shaking his head. "Alright, you first," Xathaneal said, nodding to Dean.

xXx

There was a crackle in the air, and then, suddenly, Cas was standing in the middle of the kitchen.

"- you dare, brother!" He shouted, mid sentence. Taking a second to realize his setting had changed, he spun around to Xathaneal, looking very angry.

"Castiel, we only have a few minutes."

"I told you not to do it. You could have killed one of them!"

"So let's not put that risk to waste. Alright, brother?"

"What is there to talk about?" Cas said sadly.

"Castiel," Xathaneal said, reaching out and taking the younger brother in his arms, "I want you to live on."

"Everyone has their time, you know as well as I." Came Cas' small voice. Dean wondered if they should leave the room.

Xathaneal was silent, his eyes squeezed shut. After the silence spanned into the realm of extremely awkward, Dean assumed that they were praying to each other.

Finally, the two pulled apart. "I'll miss you." Xathaneal said to Cas, the tone of his voice saying a lot more.

"Wait," Dean said, standing up and walking over to the angel, "you're just going to... go _back_?" Sam had stood, too.

"I wouldn't have flown down there if I wasn't ready to die, Dean." Those huge blue eyes never looked more sad.

_He would have _died_ for me?_ Dean thought. "But this fate is far worse than death!"

"Yes." The angel said bluntly, surprising Dean into silence. "But it's nothing I don't deserve."

"Cas, you- !"

"Dean, you misunderstand. I accept my fate without resentment. It is justly given."

Dean's jaw clenched. "I disagree."

"Who are you to judge a man, Dean? I mean no disrespect, but you know less about me than a housefly in comparison."

"Compared to what?"

"The dealers of fairness. The deciders of what is just for each soul."

"You mean the people who decide if you go to Heaven and Hell?"

"Yes."

"But you decided for yourself! How is this just?!"

Cas was silent for a moment. "Dean, there's no changing what happened. I cannot come back. I do not understand the motivation for such conflict."

Dean wanted to cry. "Is it possible... could I come with you?"

Now Cas looked angry. "No."

"Don't lie to me, Cas."

"Isn't that what you humans do, when you are desperate for something?"

"What are you _desperate_ for?"

Castiel decided that that was a good time for a staring contest.

Dean looked away, swallowing, as it dawned on him. "My life isn't _that_ valuable, Cas."

"In your eyes."

Dean lowered his eyebrows. "What is that supposed to mean?"

The angel ignored his question, instead taking a step closer to Dean, completely casting aside the personal space rule. "And that bothers me to no end."

"Cas-" Dean started, trying and failing to keep his voice even.

But the angel was already gone.


End file.
